I don’t always feel like going to church….but, LOVE LIFTED ME…

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I posted this on my blog for Mom and felt that it really belonged both places.  You can get to her blog by clicking on her blog from this page or you can go directly there by going to http://blog.drmary.net  Thank you for reading.

With the snow coming down and the brisk air outside, I could have easily justified staying in and NOT going to church.  I’m sure that God would have understood.  After all, I’m getting ready for our l-o-n-g trip to Mexico, trying to catch up the office paperwork, packing food, crafts and more to make life sweet while we’re away.  Even the Methodist minister, Roy Trueblood, had told me earlier this week that he didn’t expect to see me in church on Sunday, given all that I had to do.

Mother was on her way.  I had sent a ride for her so that she could spend some time today with us.  Maybe we could just stay in and do our nails or read to each other or …Once I saw her, I knew that I needed to take her to church.   She made her hobbling way to the car and then up the steps of the church.  I sighed, somehow wishing that I was still in my jammies and drinking tea in my kitchen.  But, then the bells chimed outside the church and I noticed how beautiful they sang.

The service was long, but I kept Mom on track, pointing at the words for the prayers and for the songs that we were singing.  The bell choir played two lovely solos and the vocal choir was keyed up, as well.  When time for communion came they told me that they could bring it to Mother so she didn’t have to walk to the front.  But, I know Mother, and it was important for her to make the painful effort, the effort to receive Jesus into her heart…then a dip of the bread in the juice and a crossing of herself proudly in front of the minister.

I was pressed not to tear up when I took MY communion still hanging onto her hand as she was walking away.  And then we made it back to the pew.  There was a woman singing a beautiful rendition of “Love Lifted Me”.  To my surprise, Mother began singing along as the other parishoners walked to the front to take communion.  She knew every word and EVERY word was important to her.  She would sing a line, “When nothing else would do…” then she’d look over to me and say, “Listen!  It REALLY did!” and then she’d continue singing…”LOVE LIFTED ME!”  I cried.

Music can remind me of so many things.  It can move me like nothing else, sometimes.  There can be a grand sermon, a wonderful bible reading and sometimes, just sometimes…it’s the song that drives the message home to my heart.  Love truly lived me, today and again, I thank God for having a moment with Mother.

We met our friends Jeanne and John Precup for lunch at the Ocean Pearl in Delta and ate too much Chinese food, as usual.  It was a lovely day and that was even before the football game even STARTED!

I feel so blessed that I drug myself to church and that once there,    love    lifted    me .

Dr. Mary’s defense of her illicit affair with Fernando Sor, 19th century classical composer (yes, he is DEAD!!!)

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The gossip has begun!  The Enquirer is hot on the trail of this saucy news scoop!

Dr. Mary got a call from her brother, Bill,  who has long been the conscience of their family.  **chuckle**  “What’s the deal with  Stefi’s picture of you and your guitar teacher on the blog!?”  The cautious inference was that this picture was possibly, or rather probably inappropriate for public viewing and consumption considering her marital status.  He suggested for the sake of her reputation, that she post an explanation so she wouldn’t end up in the same publicity predicament as Tiger Woods!  So, here is a quick update and reference to her original love song, written for Fernando, called “O Fernando”.

Dr. Mary Kleinsorge has been in love with Ferenando Sor since she was 12 years old, when she listened to his beautiful guitar compositions well into the nights and dreamed of them making beautiful music together.  She expected that one day he would hear the perfection and expression of her guitar.  He would feel the music, HIS music, as it pulsed though her fingers and danced on the strings.  He would be impressed with how well she could play his music and that he, too would be swept away on a cloud of musical notes that would land him with a love like no other….The video tells it, best.  Her hopes for lasting musically passionate love were dashed when she learned that he had been dead for more than a hundred years!

Mary’s husband has been very understanding, just as Mary has been understanding about Sandra Bullock (and SHE’s still aLIVE!)  :o ) Even so, she wants to assure everyone that, other than the affairs of the mind, there is nothing to worry about concerning Fernando….unless, of course, he rises up from the dead!

OK, for those who missed it the first time around almost a year ago, here is Dr. Mary’s  “O Fernando” video.

“Head in the Clouds”-a new instrumental composition

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I wrote most of this song after having learned “Un Dia de Noviembre” by Leo Bouwer.  Somehow learning his song inspired mine, though everyone says that it sounds nothing like it.  I think that his piece gave me a sense of freedom of expression for some odd reason.  This song comes from a soft, quiet place…a place that few people know I spend time in, really.  Mother’s painting behind me, an unplanned addition to the feel of the song, looks a little as if my head is in the clouds.  Ahhhhh  I hope that you love listening to it as much as I loved writing it.  It’s like smiling, eyes closed, breathing deeply….with your “Head in the Clouds”.

Where’s Fernando?

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Fernando Sor is a pretty big deal at our house.  Stephanie knows how much her mother has romanticized Fernando Sor.  Here is the picture she drew today.

Dena!

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I finished a new song, yesterday.  My mother is Dena, same name as the song and she loved it.  I hope that you will too!  Listen and enjoy…PS-The guitar I’m using is my Martin D35, bought in Kansas City at Quigley Music…I think it was 1974.  It’s tuned in a –G tuning– that I’ve never used before.  It’s a little like reading Braille in a different language and trying to keep your face looking normal!  **chuckle**

New Song Ideas

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I’ve written a great piece in G tuning that has a warm but haunting melody line.  I’m looking for a worthy story to add words…So, if you have a historical story, maybe a grandparent or someone that you’ve known through the years, please tell it to me to use for my song!  Of course, I’d like dates and names so that I can give credence to the song.  I love true to life threads to weave from.

Merry Christmas!

Candy Cane Lane…Here we GOooo!

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I am playing Miss Gingerbread in “Candy Cane Lane” this year with the <Kids with a King> production at the Delta Christian Church.  It’s a fun musical filled with about 70 singing and dancing children, ages 4 to 10.  I am one of the few adults in the play and it’s going to be a memorable performance for sure.  Saturday at 7:00 PM and Sunday at 6:00, at the church.  Come see us!

The faith of a child…

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What a week, it’s been, already!  Craig and Stefi leave for the Iowa farm, tomorrow and will be gone for 3 weeks.  I’m trying NOT to think about it.  But, I know that I’ll miss them, terribly.  Especially Stefi, who has made my life so much more livable this summer.  Her faith has impressed me and reminded me of the faith that we were all meant to have during all stages of our life, not just during our childhood years.

Why don’t we all have the faith and joy of a child?  REALLY.  I need to take a lesson from childhood.  No wonder the bible encourages us to have the faith of a child.  This child-charged faith is unlike any other.  She is unshakable.  Even with Grandma going through periods where she thought that Stefi, herself, was an assistant to the devil, Stefi didn’t waver.  She prays during he day without hesitation.  She never leaves out the important things to thank God for at night.  And one thing that I’ve especially noticed and admired is the fact that she doesn’t just thank God once for something wonderful in her life.  SHE thanks Him each and every night for everything little blessing that she’s enjoyed all summer long!

At the beginning of the summer, she set a goal for herself.  She would plan to keep her room clean for 100 days!  Well…if you don’t know Stefi, you don’t know what a remarkable goal this was!  Her little room was impossible to find ANYTHING in.  It was so atrocious that she couldn’t even bring herself to SLEEP in it.  There were too many crazy things that could turn into monstrous nightmares in the middle of the night.  So, I was very impressed by her goal and gave her a good carrot to lead her through as much of it as possible.

Every night she thanked God that she had been able to keep it clean for one more day.  And every night she asked for his help to do it, again, tomorrow.  I have to say that I really didn’t expect her to follow through to the end and was prepared to give her a consolation prize.  That shows MY faith, I guess!  But, SHE DID IT!!!  And it’s been another month and it’s STILL clean!  She was so proud of herself and the list of rewards(that I thought I’d never have to fork out) have been considerable.

She got new curtains for her room.  She got new bedding.  She got to go with me to a conference in Denver where we ate at her favorite restaurant, Benihana’s.  While we were in Denver, she was promised the Zoo.  But, the schedule didn’t allow for it and we ended up at the Ocean Journey, which I have to say was even better and didn’t take as much walking for my post-surgical legs and didn’t wear us out, either.  To get these rewards, in Denver, it was necessary for her to be patient and keep herself amused through two days of my conference, 8 hours each day.  All of the other doctors were very impressed with her mature ability to deal with it all.

NOW, since having gotten these rewards, Stefi’s prayers get longer and longer each night.  She doesn’t replace thanking God for ONE blessing with thanking Him for ANOTHER.  She adds the blessings to her list and the list goes on and on and ON!!  Why aren’t WE doing this in our own LIVES??!!  When I get to thinking about it, my list is SO long that I’d be praying for days and days!

Sometime’s if you’re praying with other family members, they may want you to hurry up your prayer and get to bed.   But, honestly, does GOD really want us to rush through our prayers and get on with our lives?  Does He get tired of hearing our grateful hearts or our many needs?  So often we save our prayers for the end of the day when we’re exhausted and needing to rest…Or we forget them all together, forgetting that our conversations with God are like the air we breathe and that life just doesn’t go as well without that time spend visiting with Him.

Through all of the painful transition and decision, this summer, Stefi’s prayers have been steadfast, never changing.  Even when I’ve found myself discouraged beyond belief as I’ve watch Mother slipping away from me and her reason, Stefi’s prayers have always remained, “Thank You, God that Grandma is getting better.”  “Help Grandma to continue to get better.”  Every-single-night, without change in her tone of voice.  I pray, each night.  But, some nights, behind the prayer is a faint acceptance that I may already have my answer and that Mom is failing instead of flourishing, in spite of the prayers…that I am losing her in some way…that maybe Mom is right is questioning her faith and God’s love.  And then, I look at Stefi and I’ve reminded through her little loving eyes of the faith that I was meant to have, the faith of a child.  THIS is the hope of the world, really.  THE FAITH OF A CHILD

Blessings all around, if only you look for them…

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I came home yesterday.  I had planned on at least one more night in the condo in Grand Junction…one more night with no one to consider but myself, sleeping when I felt like it, crying where no one would see, having only to focus on the healing of my wounds from the surgery and time to consider life as it has evolved and to pray.  But, I missed my family and they asked me to come home, so I did.  Once here, I wondered what I was thinking!  There are entirely too many sets of stairs in this house and the piles of laundry, dishes and rotting veggies and fruit on the counter were haunting me!

Given what happened with Mom, yesterday, and me having been gone and now in pain, everyone was especially needy, too.  The dogs wanted to be on top of me…which of course doesn’t work in my condition.  And the girls wanted to sleep in my room since Craig was working all night.  I decided not to fight it and remembered how I love to be needed.  I welcomed the sound of their breathing in the night, though I had to get up many times to ease the pain and the mindfully suffer over the dilema of what to do for Mom.

But, then the blessings began to flow.  Stefi caught a grasshopper, yesterday.  His name is Buddy.  She carries it everywhere and is amazed how much grass he is eating and how much poop has accumulated in her  tupperware-shift little home.  She spent several minutes this morning trying to figure out how to get water and grass into the container without letting Buddy jump out.  He was very jumpy, yesterday.  She got her task completed and Buddy is chomping away on his new supply of grass.

Niki slept in the bed next to me and rarely bumped into my legs in the night.  She was kind and loving and touched my face several times in the most caring way.  She knows that I’m going through a very hard time, making this decison about Grandma.  She really doesn’t know the magnitude of what happened yesterday, however.  But, she can see the pain in my eyes.

This morning, after I woke up I laid in bed listening to the quiet and considering what I need to do for Mom, today.  Then the door cracked open.  It was Stephanie holding a little home-made tray with cereal and hot tea.  Her little smile made me cry and that wasn’t what she was going for, I know.  But, she understood and told me how much she loved me.  She laid the tray in my lap, very carefully, as not to hurt my legs and then waited for all of the rewards that come from doing something wonderfully special for someone you love…”I did something really nice, didn’t I Mommy?  This is your favorite tea, isn’t it, Mommy? I haven’t seen you eat this cereal in a long time.  I found it in the back of the shelf and knew you’d like it!  It’s nice to have a daughter who does nice things for you, isn’t it, Mommy?”  And of course I answered with  whole-hearted agreement, though through tears of joy and she put her little head against my chest and patted me on the back.  I told her how proud I am of her and Niki and how I nearly didn’t have children at all!  And THEN  God  gave me the most wonderful daughters in THE WHOLE WORLD!!!

I recently was given an article link to an interview by Rick Warren.  He wrote “The Purpose Driven Life”.  Just as his book was selling and making millions of dollars, he learned that his wife was dying of cancer.  This is a powerful interview that doesn’t take long to read.  But I assure you that you’ll want to read it over and over.  I even laminated a copy!  Please take the time to read it.  There is so much wonderful wisdom found in it.  Click here to see it.

One of the blessings I have in this world is your friendship.  I love you and thank you for reading…Mary

Wonderful Peace

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I sang one of our family’s favorite hymns at the Eckert Presbyterian Church on Sunday morning.

Peace, Peace Wonderful Peace..

Coming down from the father, above.

Sweep over my spirit forever I pray

In phathomless billows of love


This was a very special song that my grandfather—-my mother’s father–sang……..It was part of his SOUL…….He sang it in the house…..He sang it in the truck…….He sang it while we were fishing…….I never questioned his faith in the Lord because he shared this song so freely with me.  Never underestimate the power you have  to encourage or impress a young mind.  If you have a song that speaks to you…….share it with the people you love.  Every time they hear it, they will have to think of you and you can be responsible for leading them closer to God with something as simple and subtle as a song…….Thank you, Grandpa!

I also sang “Thank God for Small Things”, which is fresh in my mind, these days……..

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